Mediation Meeting [Private]

Hazel had been surprised to receive Professor Morrow's owl that morning. He was a new professor this year and she hadn't had a chance to meet him. She had seen a notice from him on the all-school bulletin board, asking about research assistants for a history project, but she hadn't signed up. She had too much other work to do, and history of magic had never been terribly interesting to her. She wondered what Professor Morrow could want with her, but the note had said it was a matter of great importance and that the meeting was mandatory, so just before three, she made her way to his office. Per the note's instructions, she walked into the office instead of knocking.

The professor--a tall, skinny man with a shock of dark hair, a large nose, and a somber expression--was sitting in front of the desk. He offered her a small smile as she entered. Lalani Hapakekoa was sitting in another one of the chairs, looking nervous. Hazel furrowed her brow, trying to figure out what was going on here. She took a seat in the chair closest to the door and tried to settle herself. The professor looked so solemn and Lalani looked so agitated. Why would Professor Morrow--a professor Hazel had never met--call both of them here? And who were the other two chairs for?

Trevor had deliberately waited until the last minute to come to the meeting. He didn’t want to have to wait until everyone had arrived. He wasn’t sure he could have kept his nerves, or his mouth, in check. So he was relieved when he entered Professor Morrow’s office to see everyone else was already there.

“Good afternoon, professor,” Trevor said, deliberately leaving the others out of his greeting. A bit petty, perhaps, but Trevor figured he was entitled to act a bit petty. He took the only empty seat left, between Lalani and the firstie. He wasn’t really comfortable being boxed in like that, but at least he wasn’t sitting next to Hazel. He figured the distance would keep him from hitting her if she started spouting her opinions in her perfectly polite words again. In Trevor’s mind, most if not all of the blame for this whole debacle rested with her and her stupid lecture.

Trevor took a deep breath and focused solely on professor Morrow as he began his tale. “I set up a study group for the assignment we got for Magical Theory from professor Vine, since we were allowed to work together. While we were working, I got the feeling the squirt here,” he pointed to Hayward, whose name he still couldn’t remember, “ liked Hazel. As in, had a crush on her. So I decided to tease him a bit and started flirting with Hazel, trying to make him jealous. I worked a bit too well, as he got really mad. He shouted at me for flirting with Hazel and called me a mudblood. Not nice, but he’s eleven and parroting his parents. I figured I could let it go, especially since I kind of egged him into losing his temper.”

Trevor cast a quick look at Hazel before he started the rest of the story, but he couldn’t read her expression. Was she mad about being called in her about this? Afraid of what Trevor would reveal? He didn’t know and didn’t much care. It was time she learned exactly what she’d done. And a small part of Trevor hoped she’d get punished for it. “Then Hazel got involved. She was mad about my flirting, and I am sorry about that. She was right, it was disrespectful, especially since I didn’t mean it. When she was done telling me off, she turned to the firstie and said that he shouldn’t call me mudblood, even if it was true. She almost called me one herself, before she caught her slip and said Muggleborn. She didn’t tell him it was wrong to call me mudblood, just that he shouldn’t do it because it was impolite and could get him into trouble, especially since I was a prefect. That hurt, a lot.”

He turned angry eyes on Hazel. “How can you still be such a hypocritical bigot at your age? How can you smile and be polite and work with me, then turn around and think of me as a mudblood who shouldn’t have a place in the wizarding world?” Trevor snorted and shook his head. “And if that wasn’t bad enough, then Lalani got involved. She must’ve heard part of the argument from the hallway when she came to join us. She was running late, I think, because we’d been there a while. She took points from the firstie for calling me a mudblood and for a moment I was so glad to see her. I thought we were sort of friends, you know, and I could really use the support. But she just took the points because the squirt called me a mudblood, not because it was wrong to call me that, but because it wasn’t polite. Then she ignored me and even went to sit at the other end of the classroom. She never said a word to me while she was there, and then she just left.” Trevor avoided looking at Lalani, but instead looked at professor Morrow, anger making his eyes blue eyes darken. “So everyone here is a big bloody bigot, but only the firstie is honest enough to call me mudblood to my face. Hazel and Lalani hide behind politeness and fake friendliness, while they’d just as rather see me gone.”

Trevor clamped his mouth shut before he could start shouting abuse at Hazel and Lalani. Ever since talking to his Head of House yesterday, much of the hurt had been replaced with anger. How dare they make him feel inferior? He knew the professor wanted a discussion, not an argument, so Trevor decided to stop talking now, before he said something the professor would take points for. He sat back in his chair, a closed and angry look on his face and his arms closed. Let them try and defend their actions. Trevor bet they’d all end up in detention before this meeting was over. The bloody bigoted bunch wouldn’t be able to hide their opinions from professor Morrow.

Trevor snorted. She still didn’t get it. Could she really be that naïve? “I don’t blame you for being angry. But don’t sit there and say you didn’t mean what you said. No one that doesn’t mean it has to swallow back the word mudblood and turn it into Muggleborn at the last minute,” he said derisively. “This isn’t about you not understanding the joke. This is about you thinking you’re better than me, for some reason. What is it that makes you better, huh? Your bloodline? Your knowledge of magic from a young age?” Trevor was leaning forward by now, his fists clenched in anger. “What the hell makes you better than me?”

Hayward held his silence while the mudblood was talking, and also when Hazel tried to talk herself out of trouble. He felt awful that he’d caused his favorite professor to have to call this meeting and pander to the mudblood. But he realized, now more than ever, that Hazel had been right. There were rules here at school, and the prefects and professors needed to enforce them, even if they didn’t want to. And Hayward was certain professor Morrow didn’t want to, he’d even said he’d try not to punish anyone. He even felt sorry for Hapakekoa, the prefect he’d thought of as a blood traitor. She was bound to the rules just as much as the professor was.

If only Hayward had kept his temper under control and his mouth shut, or at least been polite about it, like his father had taught him, then none of them would be in this mess. So while Trevor and Hazel talked, Hayward sat quietly on his chair. It devolved into an argument that was fought over his head and Hayward felt really grateful when the professor called a stop to it and instead asked him or Hapakekoa to comment on what had happened. Hayward, still unsure of what he would say, was grateful that Hapakekoa started talking, even if it seemed his first opinion of her being a blood traitor was right, since she seemed to be on the mudblood’s side.

Be neutral, was the only thing that ran through Hayward’s mind. He’d done enough damage when showing his true colors. This time, he’d be polite and neutral, and do his father proud.

“I’m sorry,” Hayward said to Trevor. “You were teasing me and I got angry. I lost my temper and I just said the most hurtful thing I could. I really regret ever saying that.” That wasn’t even untrue, he did regret saying it. Just not for the reasons the mudblood would think. “And Hazel was at least partially right when she got so mad at me. Even if I don’t like you, that’s no reason to insult you. Especially with such a foul term. My parents would be ashamed of me for using that word.” Well, in public at least. And so uncontrolled as well.

He turned to the professor then and said, “I’m really sorry for causing all of this. That was never my intention. I just lost my temper because he was teasing me. I never thought it would cause all of this.”

Hazel accepted the tissue from Professor Morrow and wiped her eyes properly. She listened as Hayward apologized and Trevor forgave him. Why did Trevor forgive him but not her? What had Hayward said that she hadn't? Why was he still glaring at her? She had apologized, and she'd meant it. She was sorry for what she'd said, and for how it had obviously hurt him. What more did he want?

"You don't think I'm sincere?" she asked Trevor, spreading her hands in confusion. "I've said I'm sorry. I am. What do I have to do to prove that? What else do you want me to say?"

She looked at Professor Morrow briefly. He had asked them to pause this before, but now that Lalani and Hayward had both had their say, it seemed to Hazel that they could unpause and go back to it. Professor Morrow didn't say anything, so she turned back to Trevor and asked, "How can I make this right?"

All Hazel wanted to do was stand up and leave the room, get out of this, get away from the horrible looks Trevor was giving her.  She had never had anyone look at her with so much hatred before.  Why was he still so angry? Hadn't she explained herself? Hadn't she said she was sorry for what she'd said, and for how it had hurt his feelings? What more did he want? What else could she apologize for? Why else would he be mad at her?

She clenched her hands around folds of her robe, trying to think. As far as she could tell, she'd done everything short of groveling and begging for his forgiveness. She had realized--too late, maybe--what she'd said wrong and what her cruel words had done, and she'd said she was sorry for them and asked how she could make things right. That was what you were supposed to do, right? Had she missed something? Hazel wouldn't have put it past herself, but she honestly thought she'd done the right thing now. What step was she missing?  What fact was she missing?  What did he want her to say?

Maybe if she went over the facts again, said them out loud so he knew what she was thinking, so he could tell her whatever it was she was missing.  "You think I hate you," she said slowly, thinking carefully, "because I got angry with you the other day and almost said...that other word...and I caught myself before it came out. You think I'm a bigot and a hypocrite and that I've been acting like your friend and hating you behind your back because you're a Muggleborn.  Is that right?  Have I missed anything?" She looked at him pleadingly, hoping he would either tell her that she'd got it right and that he accepted her apology now, or at least why she was wrong if she was wrong.  

"I told you, I didn't mean what I said the way I said it," Hazel snapped. "It came out wrong."

Ben cleared his throat. It wasn't going to do any good for these two to argue, and it seemed that was all they would do if he didn't step in. So, it was time to step in. "You've said that several times, Miss Franklin," he said. "Do you mind explaining what you meant to say to Mr. Morrell then? You said that it wasn't right to call names, even if they were true. What did you actually mean?"

Hazel stared at the professor for a moment, trying to sort it out. What had she meant? "I meant...I meant that you can't call people names, period. You can't go around being rude to people, no matter what you think of them."

Ben nodded slowly. "And what do you think of Mr. Campbell? Do you think he's inferior because of his birth? That's what he seems to think you think." He nodded briefly at Trevor. "Correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. Campbell."

Hazel bit her lip, still getting her thoughts in order. Then, looking only at Professor Morrow and not at Trevor, she said slowly, "I think he's very clever. And he always works hard in class. And he's good with people." Better than I am, she added silently. "I like Trevor."

"Do you think he's inferior to you because of his parentage?  Is he less worthy of being a wizard because his parents are non-magical?"

Hazel wanted to say no, but something held her back.  She bit her lip again, her mind churning.  Trevor was very worthy of being a wizard.  She was certain of that.  He was a good wizard--clever, like she'd said--and powerful, as far as she could tell.  His parents didn't matter on that count.  There were plenty of powerful wizards and witches whose parents were not powerful.  But did she think he was inferior to her because of his family? She had rebuked Trevor as strongly as she could that day in study group, when she'd thought he was flirting with her, because of what her family thought of people like his family, and the consequences she feared would occur if she allowed him to become more familiar with her than he already was.  She had felt certain that she was doing the right thing at the time, but now...

It wasn't about the flirting.  That had been a joke that she just hadn't been smart enough to understand.  But the attitude she saw in herself now, the attitude that had been behind her actions...She hung her head as tears stung her eyes again.  She was a bigot.  Her attitude wasn't a hateful one, but it was a shameful one.  She had thought of Trevor as lower than her because of his family, and she had acted unkindly because she felt she had to protect him because of that.

"Miss Franklin?" Professor Morrow said softly.  "I'd appreciate an answer.  Do you think Trevor is inferior to you because he is a Muggleborn?"

Hazel nodded, then shook her head.  "I...My family thinks he is," she admitted. 

"That's not what I asked," the professor said. "What your family thinks doesn't matter at the moment. They're not here.  You are. Only your thoughts matter.  Do you think Trevor is inferior to you?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Forget it lady, show me you can actually stop being an ass and I might consider it.”

Hazel drew in a shaky breath at that phrase but found that she could not respond. Her throat felt as though it was closing up. Her eyes were burning with tears once more. She hung her head, hiding her tears from him. Not that he would care. Even if she could have spoken, she could not think of anything to say to him. She had no idea how to 'stop being an ass' and she knew now that nothing she could say would change Trevor's mind about her or get him to forgive her. And why should he? She had treated him like he was beneath her. She had thought he was beneath her. She had been a hypocrite and a bigot and even though she felt she'd had good intentions, she had ended up making a horrible mess of so many things. She didn't deserve his forgiveness. She didn't know what she did deserve...

---

Ben gave Trevor a look at the phrase "stop being an ass" but he allowed the boy to finish before he said anything. "I think I've heard enough from all of you.  I'm not going to punish everyone.  I think that for the most part you've all been punished enough for what happened during the time since the incident occurred, and in this meeting today.  You've all admitted to doing wrong and Mr. Campbell has forgiven two of you," he said. "Miss Hapakekoa, Mr. Morrell, you may both leave now.  I will not be punishing either of you. Mr. Campbell, I'd like to ask you to step out into my classroom for a moment. I'll call you back in soon, but I'd like to speak to Miss Franklin alone for a few minutes. We're nearly done here." He gestured to the door that connected to the classroom.  

Lalani stood and left the office without a word. Ben waited for Hayward and Trevor to leave as well. He was sure that Trevor would want to stay and see how he intended to punish Hazel, but Ben wasn't going to allow that. For one thing, it wasn't Trevor's business. For another, he hoped that the young woman might be more at ease to speak with him if Trevor wasn't glaring at her. He still had a few questions for her before he decided what punishment--if any--she deserved.

Once the other students had left, Professor Morrow handed Hazel another tissue. "Dry your eyes," he said gently, "and take a moment to calm down."

"Thank you, sir," Hazel managed. She pressed the tissue to her face for a moment and took several deep breaths. She had stiffened when the professor sent the others out. It was clear that he was going to punish her and only her out of the other three. And he was right to. Trevor had forgiven Lalani and Hayward, and he hadn't done anything wrong. She was the one who needed to be punished. She wiped at her eyes and nose, then crumpled the tissue in her hand and looked at the professor to show him she was ready.

"So," said the professor, his voice still gentle and kind, "Miss Franklin. I have a few more questions for you. I want you to think carefully and to answer honestly. Can you do that for me?"

Hazel nodded, although she had not expected this. She had expected him to tell her that he was giving her detention, or taking points from her, or sending her to the headmistress.

The professor folded his hands in his lap and regarded her with no readable emotion on his face. "You said that you do think Mr. Campbell is inferior to you. May I ask why? Is there a reason besides his family background?"

Hazel shook her head. "No, sir," she said softly, "it's just his family. My parents don't approve of Muggleborns or Muggles." She hung her head again, still ashamed.

"You said that before.  But you're a university student, Miss Franklin," the professor said, frowning. "You are of age in the wizarding world. You are considered an adult and therefore considered able to make your own decisions. Your parents' opinions do not have to be your own."

"I'm afraid they do, sir," Hazel said. "My parents have made it very clear that if I do anything to shame the family--and getting involved with Muggleborns would shame the family in their eyes--that I would...be in trouble." She did not want to elaborate on that. Her parents had been very clear on exactly what kind of trouble she would be in and she didn't like to think about it.

To her surprise, the professor shook his head and smiled a bit. "Miss Franklin, you're already involved with Muggleborns," he said. "Not only are you involved in this whole affair, but you are around Muggleborns every day here at school. You can't help but be involved with them, no matter what your parents wish. If they'd wanted you separated from them, they should have sent you somewhere else for school."

Hazel decided not to tell the professor that she spent most of her time alone. She didn't have many friends at all. Trevor had been a good acquaintance until the incident, and there were a few people in the University with her who tended to pull her into talking with them in the common room, but for the most part, Hazel was on her own. The professor, she was sure, would not understand that.

She fidgeted in her chair. The professor seemed to be thinking hard. "Are you going to punish me, sir?" she asked after a moment. "Give me detention, or take points from my house, or something? I've been unkind and prejudiced and I hurt Trevor's feelings. He hates me now. I deserve to be punished." She hung her head again.

The professor smiled again. "I think realizing that is punishment enough, don't you?" he asked. "You seem to be feeling ashamed of yourself. You're clearly unhappy. And you've said that you want to make it up to Mr. Campbell."

"Yes, but he wouldn't tell me how," Hazel burst out. "I don't know what to do to make it up to him, sir."

"I believe the phrase he used was 'show me you can stop being an ass'," the professor said, grimacing slightly. "I agree that's not very specific..."

"So what should I do?" Hazel nearly wailed the last word. She wanted clear instructions. She wanted to be told an actual thing she could do to start making this right, but no one would tell her.

The professor tapped his chin for a moment, obviously thinking. "I want you to make a conscious effort to stop thinking about what your parents would think," he said. "Treat people as you would like to be treated, regardless of any other factors. Your parents are not here at school with you. They can't know what you do or how you treat people. Stop imagining them looming over your shoulder. Take a chance on this and see what happens, Miss Franklin. I think, if you try that, you'll be pleasantly surprised. Will you try?"

"Yes, sir," said Hazel, although her first thought was that he was wrong. Her parents had made it clear that they could know what she did at school. There were ways that her actions and words could get back to them. The phrase "take a chance", though, sparked a memory of her sister. Olive had told her to take a chance once, just before she left. She hadn't then. Was she brave enough to now? She didn't know.

"In that case," said the professor with a smile, "you may go. My door is always open if you need to talk to me. I wish you luck in your little experiment. As I said, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Send Mr. Campbell back in here on your way out, will you?"

Hazel nodded. "Thank you, sir," she said, standing up. She walked out the door into the hallway, her mind swirling with everything that had happened, and especially with the professor's challenge.

She had expected to find Trevor listening at the door, or waiting to jump down her throat again. Instead she found him standing near the door, looking tired. "The professor wants to see you again," she said softly. She wanted to apologize again, but it wouldn't do any good. She walked away, her mind still churning.

((OOC: Whew! Long post is long! That's what happens when I write two characters at the same time. My wordiness shows up in force. But I think we can wrap this thing up fairly soon. I'm not sure Hazel actually made any progress, but I hope Ben's challenge will set her up for some. If I can ever coax her out of hiding again...))